I have gisttttttttttttttttttttttttt

God said today is for ABUAD hostel girls and the porters.

I went to the common room to read this afternoon (it’s a lie o, I was looking for network to watch film) and got distracted when I saw some security women running into one of the hostel wings. Don’t judge me—I followed them. (Curiosity blessed the cat, abi wetin dem dey call am? Yeah, that quote. That’s why I followed.)

This is why you should have me as your roommate.

Do you see the timelines? It’s a full-time job.

Turns out, someone was smoking in their room, and they got caught. Which is surprising because the room was deep inside, like down down the wing. Someone snitched, that’s the only reasonable explanation. How else would they know?

I followed them, and they dragged the girl out. But this babe no gree o 😭. I like her, she’s so fine. They took her to the porters' lodge and seized something from her.

I went back to the common room to check my laptop and headset that I left there. Thank God they didn't steal it. What would I tell my father?

"Daddy, they stole my laptop because I left it to do amebo. Please buy another one for me." Omo mehn.

I could still hear the porters from the common room.

"O ma n charge e ni."

Ah-😭. It’s vape o. These women are teaching themselves how to use vape.

This is the real Netflix, I thought as I shut down my laptop.

---

This evening, something else happened.

Yeah, exactly, I thought that was the end too.

"Occupants of room D421, come down to the porters' lodge now!"

These women had started again with their megaphone. Minutes later, they repeated the announcement, but this time, it was a threat.

"If you guys don’t come down now, all of you will face SDC."

Omo. I quickly finished my night routine so I could go out and do amebo.

People were already gathered as I stepped outside with my oily vaseline face. Omooo, una like amebo o.

I asked around, “What happened?”

They said some girls beat up another girl, and the porters were calling her roommates to explain.

"Who did they beat? Why did they—"

The girl had already left. Omo.

I asked someone else, but that one said, “Nobody knows, but they’re still explaining themselves.”

At that point, I was about to ask another person when suddenly—

"Porters! Porters!"

Everybody scatterrrrrr.

Me and my big bum bum ran back to my room 😭 before they packed me to the monastery.

How will I tell my mummy that I got sent home because of Amebo?

Did I relent? Nooo. We don’t give up over here.

I went back.

People were still talking in groups, so I just kept hopping from one gist to another.

One said they beat the girl because of malt.

Another said it was because of a man.

Yet another said it was because of a Valentine’s gift.

Me, I’ll go with the narrative that suits me sha. They beat her because of a Valentine’s gift (and man).

"Porters! Porters!"

Everybody scatterrrrr again.

Eh- they caught one girl trying to record a video 😭.

As she was trying to film, another girl near her shouted, “What video are you doing? Can’t you see everybody is naked?”

Na so porters catch that one too.

How will you explain yourself now? 😔

Anyway, I left and went to buy a cold Sosa drink. I deserved it after all that running and gathering information. It’s not easy.

---

There are perks to this YouTube thing, but content creation is so hard.

Somebody told me today (actually, yesterday) that I should stop making vlogs because nobody knows me and nobody will watch them.

I mean, maybe I see her point.

But I told my roommate, and this girl just looked at me and said, “So you too, you want to stop? You cannot stop o. We’ve started this together.”

I didn’t cry o, eh. I’m a hard girl, please. But you know, in that moment, I just really felt so good about having her as my roommate. She’s such a gem. (I hope she doesn’t read this newsletter... It’s kuku me that forced her to subscribe.)

Anyway, I don’t have exams tomorrow, next tomorrow, or the next.

If you have exams anytime between Monday and Wednesday... sucks to be you.

Listen to Spookie Coochie by Doechii while at it. You’re welcome.

Urghh, I’m done here.

Like this yap that you most probably didn’t ask for? Share, comment, and subscribe (if you haven’t).

And also check out my YouTube channel (if you haven’t). The link is right here: BADA Najeebah

Happy new month ❤️